The Good, The Bad and the New Roommate

The roommate search began, and I was determined as ever to find a cool new flatmate. Figuring that maybe this was fates way of sending me a cooler, better roommate I was going to make the best of the situation. I posted an add in Trade Me as it seems to be THE way to find anything and everything in New Zealand. Next thing I knew I was receiving texts and emails left and right, so I set up a schedule for Saturday to show the flat hoping that by Sunday I would have a new flatmate. The landlord was only making me pay my half the rent until Feb 14th but I was hoping to find someone to move in sooner as I wanted to meet new people and create a new wellington circle of friends.

Thursday and Friday I spent going through the things the people prior left. There was food in the fridge, including pumpkin pie, milk, and several other gross things I needed to throw out. Dirty laundry still in two laundry baskets, toiletries, bags of clothes, furniture, a nice bottle of 2002 wine unopened, vacuum cleaners, art on the walls, it seemed as Petal must have left in a hurry. Either way I seem to have lucked out given the amount of stuff left behind.

Showing the flat was fun, one girl was a playwright and director, another guy was a musician going to get his masters, a journalist for Sky News who came with a "42 inch TV and free Sky (cable)". One stood out though, this guy Tim. I wasn’t sure how I felt about a male flat mate but given I tend to get along with guys better than girls, with the exception of girls who also get along better with guys, I figured given the right person it would be ok. Tim seemed cool, well traveled as he had lived in Japan before and just got back from a trip to Singapore with his girlfriend, and he asked if I liked to go camping and the outdoors. I figured he would be the best as he seemed the most outgoing. So I offered him the spot and he moved in the following week.

Little did I know just what was about to transpire. The first thing he did when he moved in was go through the cupboards that I already went through, and the fridge, that I already went through, and created designated shelves. Ok...I can live with that I thought. Next he cleaned down EVERY spot of the flat, including getting a germ killing spray and spraying down EVERYTHING. "You never know who has done what on these floors" He said. The one thing he did that killed me was shut all of the curtains in the living room. We have a great view of the city and you can see the harbor from our living room. But he shut the curtains and every day since he closes them when he sits in the living room, he does open them a slight bit in the morning though to let my plants get a little bit of light. Being very passive aggressive he constantly asks me things indirectly, like "so are the plants inside because its too cold or too hot out?" He never goes out and seems to only hang out with his girlfriend on the weekends, and one other Japanese friend. Once we finally got internet in the flat all he does is sit in the living room and play with his laptop, even when I try and converse he just sits there with a blank stare at his computer. And I cannot even joke with him as he takes everything as a personal attack. There are many other stories...and my friends have started calling him "Tim, nice but dim".

So one night he asks me if there is "anyone special" back in DC. I respond with my usual... "I’m not really a relationship person, I don’t need to be in one and if one comes around well great but its not something I’m searching for and I would rather be in no relationship than be in one just for the sake of being in a relationship", blah blah blah. Well we go out to dinner one night with his girlfriend and his Japanese friend. While at dinner he takes the beer/wine list and gives it to me condescendingly saying "you will be needing this" as if I am some sort of alcoholic because I enjoy a beer or wine with dinner every so often. Then he asks "so where do you go next, where do you settle". HERE WE GO! "I don’t ever plan on settling, I love travel and have lived a great life so I have no idea where I might end up. Maybe London, maybe back in DC, I have loved all of those places but who knows where life might take me. I’m on the Kristen train and its full steam ahead!" His girlfriend says "Well maybe she will meet a nice kiwi boy and settle here!" To which Tim replies "that’s not her priority" as if he knows everything about me from one discussion. We then go for coffee which brings a glass of wine and more condescending looks.

Well being a very vibrant person and finding that Tim seems to suck the life out of me and everything around him, things came to a head. The first was I came home from the bars one night after going out with Neil for a few beers. We, as we do, had some crazy/amazing discussions trying to cure the world of all its ills and he was going to pass out at my place. We of course continue discussing the worlds problems, the arts, etc. and Tim send a crazy text saying he can hear us talking two rooms away in the lounge and cant sleep because of it. Then a few weeks later I am hanging out with the girl who lives upstairs, abby, and chatting in the lounge again trying to be as quiet as possible given the first text. Another passive aggressive text later I have had it. Monday comes around and when I get home he quickly retreats into his room for an hour then leaves. “He just emailed me instead of talking to me…I know it” I thought to myself. I was dead on. His email included a very long demanding list of how to live in the flat, including “turn all appliances/TV off at the outlet, here there are switches at the outlets, make sure hands are clean before touching the remotes, clean down the microwave after every use, and finally at the end the reason for the whole email “be quiet as he is a VERY light sleeper”. The oddest part was at the end when he said “I just want to take care of myself, and take care of you”. Which being the overly independent person I am really freaked me out. So I replied with saying “I don’t respond well to list, I tend to rebel from them actually. Every flat I have lived in we have had a just be tidy understanding and if anyone wants any extra cleaning they do it themselves. And im sorry you have trouble sleeping but I have not been disrespectful at all and being me I cant be in a situation where having people over on the weekends and a bit of chatting 2 rooms away is a problem, I understand if because of your sleeping problems you need to find a new place”.

So when he comes home from work that day I ask to discuss his very odd email. He basically became a mumbling idiot not able to at all have this conversation. His email was a way of taking control of the flat, of having me be submissive and listen to him, which I can tell you is exactly how he treats his girlfriend and his friends. For anyone who has ever met me…this is not going to fly! There was no, please, or thank you, or a suggestion that this was a conversation to come up with a set of flat rules…it was a pure list of demands. But in his mumbling he said that I was not “being disrespectful” and everything in my email can be our standard”.

End of day I have no idea how I got myself into this situation and my cool flatmate radar went out the window, nor how to fully resolve my somewhat crazy roommate situation..but I do know it makes for one interesting story.